Virginity [1]

Cleaning my room today, made me think of one of the unfair statements handed to the female population…

While cleaning my room, I found a long hidden box of Durex family pack of condoms. No, I did not buy it for a purpose, it was in fact, handed to me by my family members when I was only a mere age of 12. I suppose my family doesn’t trust me enough to not end up pregnant at that age as well as having no sex education at that time. Since we’re on this topic, may I ask if condoms have an expiry date?

Virginity. It’s getting hopelessly extinct as our society gets more liberal. TO be honest, all I can think of is “So?”. Don’t get me wrong, I do think that virgins should be given a certain amount of respect for the self-respect they have given themselves. “But what’s the big deal anyway?” A friend of mine upon hearing that I have an unopened pack of condoms, swore to me with his life, saying that he’d not marry just any girl. In fact, he’d marry any girl as long as she’s a virgin. Now that statement disturbs me to no end.

First of all, his virginity is comparable only to Madonna, and secondly, he clearly cared more about what others might think rather than who that person is and what kind of character she has. He argued that the fact that the slut she isn’t a virgin, proves that she’s cheap. Talk about double standards…

What angers me most about our conversation was what he said later after I presented an example to him. The conversation goes like this :

Let’s suppose that A (the girl) has dated B (the guy) for over a year or so and it gets to the point where they both feel comfortable enough with each other that it seems only natural for them to have sex. But unfortunately, conflict enters into their relationship and before they knew it, it was over between them. Would you say that the girl was cheap?

In fact, I would say, yes.

And whys that?

Well, the girl should have known better than to have enjoy the benefits of sex before marriage. Knowing the consequences of her actions would shame her family and herself, therefore, ending up looking cheap to the next man. Personally, I would prefer a wife who doesn’t know much of anything where I would be the only mentor in her sex life.

But what about the guy? Shouldn’t he be responsible for actually being with the girl, gaining her trust, love and loyalty and then, so carelessly, have his fill of sex with her and then regardless of how she feels about him, leaves her to face what they have done together?!?!? He is as much at fault here, I believe, with him knowing that he WOULD, COULD, shame her by walking off like that.

True, but it’s alright for a guy, it’s expected that the guy be more experienced in any relationship at all. So, what I’m trying to say is, the guy isn’t at fault here, the girl is, she HAD the chance to say no, but instead, she chose NOT to say no and throw caution to the wind.

What’s with THAT unfair statement, hmm? I can’t believe men have survived this long with their ego so huge that it’s possibly choking them half to death -sighs- bastards!! men!!

Essentially speaking, it’s not about keeping your virginity until you’ve repeated your vows but to who, when, why and how you lose it. I won’t go as far as to say that we won’t make the wrong decisions with who we do it with. But as long as you love that person, who he or she had sex with before shouldn’t matter now, would it? I don’t give a damn about his or her past, as long as it doesn’t revive in the present or future to make or break their relationship. I mean, hello!! Only a fuck up who has screwed with their spouses in the past and left them inconsiderate bastard person would judge others based on that and that alone! Like, how messed up is that?!?! Haven’t you heard of “Never judge a book by it’s cover”?

I personally support Sex Education, because with the way society is being runned on now, young parents, no, parents in general are shirking away from the responsibility in educating their children on the basic things they should know, like sex and the consequences, for example.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s partly their fault (not all) that their teenage daughters are running around getting pregnant as well as abortions. Who’s suppose to be there to educate them to love themselves and their bodies more? To be more responsible? Honestly, how many parents in Malaysia do you know that has even uttered a word on sex or love to their children? It’s not a surprise that Malaysians aren’t open to opinions or even being affectionate (Example : Hugging or even muttering “I love you”).

Malaysians have been known to be somewhat…conservative. They do what others think they should do, but regardless of what others think, virginity is just a “thing” and should not be made to be a big “thing”. I just think that people should learn to give more credit to another being rather than accusing them, give them a benefit of a doubt.

PS : You should know that more woman lose their virginity through intense sport, injuries and such because the hymen is very delicate and could rupture from even the slightest of “bump”. So instead of condemning a woman for not being a virgin, just use common sense and shut up, because you might be wrong and therefore, risk being the idiot in your relationship.

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8 Comments

  1. wong said,

    January 3, 2007 at 1:32 am

    Haha… There was a friend of mine telling me he breakup with his girlfriend because she isn’t virgin and he is virgin. Now how to argue le?Funny thing is, all male thinking they can break theirs while female can’t, talking selfishness now…

    Jessica:
    Well, this is just another typical male behavior, though not inherited by all the male population, it can still be found in 99% of the male population.

    He probably has too much of a male ego to lose in the experience department compared to his more experienced girlfriend, wouldn’t you say so?

  2. Jaquan said,

    January 3, 2007 at 6:08 am

    ahhh this makes me think back to the last relationship i was in. i had a girlfriend a while back (2-3 years ago) that had been with MANY guys before me and she wasn’t afraid to admit it either. in fact she messed with one of her friends that later became my friend and she messed with one of my best friends while still dating me. she claimed to be a virgin up until she lost it to her new boyfriend who tried to jump me several times…anyways while we never had sex my feelings for her were not on the level of love or anything and she took alot of my firsts away that i will never get back. even tho i’m not a girl i feel cheapened by her and i regret not being to give those firsts to the person i love right now.

    Jessica:
    Well, there are cases like these as well where there are females that have an insane urge to prove they’re more experienced as well as loving any “loving” attention.

    But all I’ll say is that, instead of love for her, guys would just be attracted to her as a play toy and not someone they would want to be with.

  3. Narrowband said,

    January 3, 2007 at 7:42 am

    Haha. I thought the word ‘virgin’ was becoming obsolete.The more common awareness message these days is to practise safe sex rather than abstaining altogether – they figured that the latter was ‘too much to ask for’.

    Jessica:
    Exactly, but honestly, do most people really care about that?

    People now usually look for things they can fully “own” and love to have the “newest” and “freshes” stuff in life.

    And I think people have this “ideal” idea to marry the dream person which includes them being a virgin and live “happily ever after.”

  4. aw said,

    January 3, 2007 at 9:02 am

    Nah, your friend is just being an narrow-minded idiot.I can assure you most modern city guys don’t think like that.

    Jessica:
    True, he’s a pompous ass, but that is what some guys do still think, hmm?

    And most modern guys do still think that way, but not all. The number will stay at 99% till proven otherwise ;D

    I’ll write another on this topic sometime next week when I get more info into a guys mind ^_-

  5. January 3, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    Nah.. not all guys think like that. It all depends on their upbringing and education. The guys who fuck me (and vice versa) love girls who are experienced so that they don’t act like dead fish in bed. Having said that, my advice to girls who have bfs who are obsessed with them being virgins: run!

    Jessica:
    Heh, I guess it does depend on their way of life and upbringing. But interestingly, of all the guys my girl friends meet, they might say, “Hey, I don’t care that you aren’t a virgin.” and then commences to screw them in bed.

    After all that, they’ll balk at the thought of even marriage and hightails away. But some guys are like that, right? Saying is easier than doing XP

  6. bodicea said,

    January 4, 2007 at 4:34 am

    “True, but it’s alright for a guy, it’s expected that the guy be more experienced in any relationship at all. So, what I’m trying to say is, the guy isn’t at fault here, the girl is, she HAD the chance to say no, but instead, she chose NOT to say no and throw caution to the wind.”

    If I were you, I would say the following in reply:“If all girls want to get married and they follow your ideal of being a virgin before marriage, then you have no experience to gain for your credibility of becoming a mentor, dickhead.Unless of course, you’d prefer some homo loving.”

    You need to treat some people ala Bodoland style man.

    Jessica:
    XD that was the most interesting phrase I’ve seen my whole day -bows- thanks loads

  7. Bell said,

    April 18, 2007 at 3:45 pm

    I know this is a really old post, but… this is very interesting! But at what point to you consider your virginity lost? Virginity itself is now a very vague word. Many will say “of course losing your virginity is when you have Sex”. SEX is a vague word. What about Fondling? Fingering? Masturbation? Oral sex? Are all those not considered sexual acts? it’s not just Intercourse anymore is it?

    Some couples date for years and years before breaking up. Do the guys really expect that after dating for say 8 yrs NOTHING HAPPENED? Perhaps they even lived together? Did they have separate beds and separate rooms for 8 yrs?

    I’m married now. But I was not virgin when I married. I did not sleep around either. I was with only ONE man. The boyfriend of 5 yrs, who became my fianceé, and who is now my husband. AM I CHEAP? I don’t think so.

  8. January 2, 2008 at 1:01 am

    […] Virginity [1] […]


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