Gawdamn Tired…

Bleh…so very tired…we just finished another (last) assignment around 8am this morning (thank gawd!!)…and can you believe it? We started it LATE again!!! Yes indeed, another last of the last minute work again *sighs* so we all been up all night with occasional naps in between doing the assignment.

Omg…we SO swear never to ever do last minute work ever again!! And this time, to make sure we stick to this, I’m gonna get us a trained dog whose job is to bite our assess when we seem to be procastinating DX that’s how serious I am about this T_T

The end of this semesters will mark the end of our first year in University…therefore, a good solid resolution is so DEFINATELY in order for us to go on to our next 2 years of University life D: Gosh, this sounds like a tiny problem eh? Well it’s NOT!!!

Ack I’m so very sleepy T-T still having classes to 5pm today…wonder if my bro is gonna fetch me from University today D: …he’s the most unreliable peson when it comes to fetching people from school…I hope I don’t black out in the middle of the road and snore right there and then =.=;;; ish…ISH!!!

Meh…got to listen to some presentation today T_T I’d probably fall asleep during the presentation leh…*sobs*…I NEED to SUPPORT my classmates!!! Not really o_O! I REALLY DO!!

Oh oh OH!! Guess what? I think that my hand will get worse lol due to the fact that I am damn rough. I was going to the toilet this morning and I banged my hand into the wall and it hurts FREAKIN’ BAD T-T and then just now, in University, while closing the lecture room door, I accidentally banged the door to myself making my eyes water with all the DAMN pain Y-Y…

Eh dunno what to write anymore now…my brain is shutting off and blacking out now…so sleepy…the floor seems to be tempting me to sleep there…oh floor, your sweet song is calling me~ thou shalt have me now!!!

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In a Bind…

Awww man!! I can’t believe it!! I’m bandaged D: and it looks as if my hand is bloated T-T

I got tortured in many ways just to get the bandage on my hand ._. and now it hurts WORSE than the sprain I got…it sucks bad D:

That’s the first time it was bandaged. It was badly done all cause I told my doctor cum friend that I needed my fingers to write πŸ˜›

This is my new bandaged style, looks a lil better right? RIGHT! But ah, my hand can’t even bend cause he bandaged it too tightly DX he forced me “insisted”!! And it’s even tighter now…my whole hand is aching and itching D: what kinda sick, sick, SICK torture IS this?!?!?! T-T

I am SO uber unhappy D: this is SO not a good time to have my hand in a bandage man…I don’t want to turn 20 like this lerr…anyways, look at my unhappy looks D:

How it happened? I don’t know worr…all I know was I felt the pangs of pain in Theories of Counseling and Psychotherapy lecture while copying notes…ish, hurts!!!

Bah, this ain’t gonna pull me down!! I’ll live to be 20 even if it kills me!!!

Can’t You See? Don’t You Care?

Can’t you see? Don’t you care
That I want to die?
Don’t you listen? Can’t you hear
My silent cry?

Won’t you turn? Can’t you hold
Me to your heart?
Are you afraid of what might follow
Once you start?

Would you rather not believe
I’m in such pain
That all your sense and good advice
Must be in vain?

Would you rather tell yourself
I’ll be OK,
And all this adolescent angst
Will go away?

Ah! Would I also swim across
This lake alone!
But if you cannot swim with me,
I know I’ll drown.

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I’ve done something I’ve used to do before…it hurts now, I never thought that I’d be afraid to die, maybe I should just get it over with and then regret. But what do I get from it? Eternal damnation? Sounds like fun…but there’s so much of life I haven’t seen before like meeting people who I care the most, like making it to age 80 like my grandpa.

Oh life, cure me of my impure thoughts of suicidal attempts, or hurting myself, of unconditional thoughts, of my depression…I haven’t the slightest idea when I began thinking like this. Why the thought of slicing my arm seems so comforting…could it be that I’m ready to let go? Could it be that I see no meaning to my existence?

Then why do I hesitate so? Perhaps deep within me, I’m afraid to fail in everyone’s eyes…for throughout my life, I amounted to nothing but rebellion and childish tantrums. How I feel dead inside…is nothing compared to my will to survive. Perhaps I am the coward everybody knew I was…I’m sorry…

Money Be Mine?

Ish…I so need money now D: for what? Well, for a lot of things!! Let me list em all down, yea.

  • A Credit Card!
  • Yes!! I need a credit card!! For what? So that I can participate in blogging for fun and money community D: Don’t look at me that way…I need the cash for a LOT of reasons and one of them is my studies but that’s another point later on…

    Anyways, I need credit card cause most things is in Paypal form and Paypal requires that you have a credit card to join them…I’ve kinda begged my parents to get me one so I can get some income for myself instead of asking them for money all the time but they told me to print out every single detail on Paypal and there’s like…a whole shitload of it D:

    Reaching out to my Readers :

    Can someone help out this undeniable beauty by giving information on how safe Paypal really, truly is? I remembered being told by a friend of mine that he hacked into someone’s Paypal and ate some of that fella’s money…so HOW safe IS it?

  • Upgrading WordPress
  • Why? So that I can put up adverts by Nuffnang, so sorry to Nuffnang that I registered with them but cannot put any adverts up, luckily the management at Nuffnang were kind enough to let me off, truly nice people!! But see la, if I get credit card and Paypal liao, I can obviously afford 15 USD to upgrade this current blog as well get a better layout ^^

  • Advertising
  • After getting the first 2 over and done with, I can begin to start doing adverts for Nuffnang, Advertlets, PayPerPost and so on cause can register for membership liao with credit card cause they all use paypal to pay bloggers except Nuffnang…that one, I got the upgrade so that I can place some adverts (Not too many though…I don’t want to fill this blog up with just adverts since it’s my personal blog…)

  • Get My Own Domain Name
  • After months of hard labor work, I can finally begin to think about getting my own domain name…of course, I’m a n00b, thus I need help from all you pro-domain-bloggers out there when the time comes for me, yea? πŸ˜€ But this process is a no hurry thing cause I can also live with my current web link πŸ˜›

  • New Computer/Laptop
  • Let’s all go back to why I need money. I need money cause my current computer, although still usable, it’s falling apart…cannot say I want to kill it la…it’s been with me since last year (belong to me alone) and been in the family 2 or 3 years before it came to me. So obviously got some attachment to it. But horr…it’s hard drive got problem liao, says my dad. And then after reformatting it, it’ll just go slower. It’s like when you’re old liao, got sickness, you go and see doctor, doctor give you medication and then you get better, but horr, your metabolism rate goes bye bye due to your previous illness.

    That’s how my computer is la. So now need to let it rest more, still got use but need a new computer to carry on the work, right? Unless how? I learn how to write like a computer kah? My handwriting damn bad wan, kthx!!

  • Saving Money for Masters Degree
  • Yes, need to start saving liao. My parents promised that if I could get enough for my CGPA to do Masters, they’ll be sending me off overseas to study “We want you to have overseas exposure”, that’s what they said to me. I don’t want to burden my parents with all the cost in sending me to overseas as well as the living expenses (especially since I know I can’t get any scholarships). So side money is good to support myself when I go overseas without making my parents cut cost and making my siblings have less good stuffs in life, right?

    I’m not usually a good daughter, I know la, that’s why I don’t want to make them suffer by working so hard (they working damn hard now, go to work damn early and come back damn late…) my parents is being burdened by our school books, my University fees, our lifestyle and even pet food…I don’t want them to look old even if they’re not even 50 yet…I love my parents a lot though they think I’m rebellious and irresponsible, I’m still their eldest daughter…need to be more responsible now that I’m going to be 20 in 2 weeks D:

  • Save Money to Treat Parents
  • Last 15th of March was their anniversary…didn’t give them anything at all, paiseh la D: so now want to save for their next anniversary, maybe treat them to a weekend somewhere alone lo. Seeing as how we kids always worry them…so wanna treat them to an all expense holiday la. Or maybe an all expense spa or something.

    Reaching out to my Readers :

    Any suggestion on what ANY parents would like as their anniversary gift from their kids? I’ll gladly read all of them ^^

Aiyah…run out of ideas liao worr…for now heh πŸ˜› So what do you think? Could you help answer my questions when I have so boldly reached out to all of you to answer my unanswered questions? Please? Or even if you don’t have the answers to my questions, just a comment or two to support me would be damn wonderful πŸ™‚

What’s That?

What’s with this getting hack business?!?! You hackers out there got nothing to do is it…so free to hack poor unsuspecting bloggers out there who are merely voicing out their opinions that have nothing whatsoever to do with you and you lot.

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Lately a blogger and his host got HACKED by you lot…what’s that all about, huh? Does it excite you after you ruined their works? Hmm?!?!?

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What happen to freedom of speech and human rights? Is it so bad that you have to erase what others have voiced out and have done a damn good job of saying? Are you just jealous per say? Or perhaps, you are siding with those anti-bloggers and want to get rid of potential bloggers that you think may take the world by storm?

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Or perhaps, you’re just an adult living in a child’s mind, having not been able to go through your operational stages properly therefore are stunted where you, an adult, is stuck living like a child. This childish behavior is NO excuse for what you are doing…in fact…it’s downright pitiful!!

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Don’t you see that you are just degrading yourself and also making you UNWORTHY not only in human eyes but the whole net community other than other pitiful, ego-maniacal, childish hackers like you!

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You are being childish to think that what you are doing will stop people from blogging and perhaps shed tears for you. YOU ARE WRONG!! We bloggers stand TOGETHER no matter WHAT and what you have done to these people is just DOWNRIGHT LOW of YOU. What is your purpose in doing this, hmm?!? To have fun? To get kicks outta this? To feel the adrenaline of not getting caught? What?!? Is this some sick joke to you? Perhaps. But it isn’t for those you’ve hacked. So GROW UP!! You’re disgracing other fellow hackers like you…

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EDIT

I just got word that 5Xmom got hacked too!! What kind of sick sick joke is this, huh?!? You all got nothing to hack already is it? Now you’re targeting prominent bloggers that are read by many…what is your PROBLEM?!?!

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Some more I just screenshot all the mischief they have done…starting with 5Xmom’s :

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The next are Ah Pek’s Blog :

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Eh!! People so nicely BEGGED you for any wrongdoings he did and you just IGNORED him and carried on…that is already LOWEST of the LOW!! You have no MORALITY in you as well as HUMANITY!! People politely begged for forgiveness, and what did you do?!?! You kicked him right in the face and continue =.=;;; I have nothing more to say other than that you’re a disgrace to all mankind…

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EDIT EDIT

Got word that even Jiun Jie and Wingz from Rojaks had one of his private blogs, hacked D: Why are they hacking them? I don’t know. Perhaps they are all on the same server or perhaps too famous liao la lol (and got reprimanded by CincauHangus and Endrei pulak…so pai seh la πŸ˜› you all must forgive my ignorance leh, new blogger as well as dumb fucked in computer systems and anything technical D: so forgive this blogger, kays?)

Feeling Down…

Don’t know what’s wrong with me these days…haven’t been up to par at all whenever I go out or just plain staying at home…it’s as if my whole body is giving up on me, or perhaps it’s fighting to survive, it’s just that I just don’t seem to have the will to carry on any longer…

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Today, I was quite happy to begin with, no idea why, maybe to cover the fact that I’m down on my luck and feeling really down and shitty about life. Yes, people, I DO get emotional from time to time, well DOH’ I’m only human, y’know…I have human emotions too, even if it sucks D:

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Just now, my parents too me and my bro near Kelana Jaya LRT station there to eat Bak Kut Teh. Was suppose to start out happy, then suddenly, my father mentioned that he seem to be missing a few RM50 from his wallet. He intentionally pointed out to me and my brother that he’s suspecting us la…seeing as how my younger brother and my lil sis aren’t at home (they’re at PBSM camp now…) to steal. So that just leaves me and my lil bro…

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Some more my dad even said that the person who could have taken it, took it between 11pm last night and 9am today…so I bengang la since OBVIOUSLY he’s pointing at me cause I went back home late last night around 12 something 1 like that…(went to Taylor’s college drama competition)…so bai meng he’s accusing me, right or not?!?! Damn fucked up la. Burst my bubble only…so the whole night, knowing that I didn’t fucking steal the money, I tried to lighten the mood la…damn it, I tried damn hard to make it lighter, the mood la…but still can feel the tension wan…

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So just now la, coming home from the Bak Kut Teh restaurant, inside the car, damn silent, no one dared to say anything…damn…I hate this la, some more kena screwed over and accused pulak…I don’t feel happy now…in a very black mood now. Some more just now my dad said tomorrow is Cheng Meng so need to go to the family grave-mountain to clean the graves and offer to our ancestors offerings. I said I didn’t want to go and then my dad got angry again la!

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The thing is, I’ve never been to help clean the cemeteries before. Never ever did anything on Cheng Meng before…not cause I’m lazy la. It’s cause I’m afraid to go…once when one of my grandparents from my mother’s side passed away, we went up a mountain in the morning to bury him, it just rained and everywhere was wet and muddy…like any good kid, I tried not to get scared and fall into somewhere cause a lot of holes here and there (for the next batch of coffins la…). What caused me to be afraid of mountain graveyards was that my brother who is younger than me by a year, he ALMOST fell into a HUGE hole…a huge hole so deep I thought that he’d be unable to get out of it if he fell…I was young that time and scared. That’s how I got this phobia of mountain graveyards…I mean, think about it…you’re going up the mountain and you accidentally slipped!! Oh no!! You feel your legs slipping under you and you feel yourself falling and sliding down the mountain. You see a hole in front of you but you can’t seem to stop yourself and you fall in…inside, it’s all four “walls” (more like four walls of sand, mud and creepy crawlies…). You try to climb out but it’s no use…the sand is caving in, burying you six feet deep, you can’t pull yourself up and finally, you’re buried…

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Yes, that’s my fear and I can’t stand it if any of my family members were to fall in…I think i’ll just die…(told you I’m damn emotional today…) Blah…I just don’t feel myself today…some more, the will to type is draining out of me. I’m just too angry, frustrated, upset, down and everything negative today at everything especially the part where I got accused…gawd!! I hate feeling like this…I want to go back into my normal self (normal for me that is…) and just cheer up again…maybe I’ll just stick myself into a cold shower later to cool my head and just chill…I just don’t know who to talk to about my problems at times…maybe that’s why I created this blog…to let out my frustrations at the keyboard and leave something behind to remember by as to WHY and WHAT caused my frustrations…-sighs-…my will to type is disappearing…I’ll just leave now. Maybe I’ll type again after that cold shower…yeah…

Cyber Blog Awards, Anyone?

Lately I’ve been considering about making the Cyber Blog Awards. I’ve added some categories and removed some to give you a brief idea as to how it is. But it isn’t a definite yet. If responses are good, I’d go on with the Cyber Blog Awards (Cyber Blog Awards : Real life prizes and cash money are unfortunately, not given. Awards are all merely graphics and your name being stated as “Best“). The following categories are as followed, below.

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Vote-able Categories

  • Best Blog
  • Best Article
  • Best Designed Blog
  • Best Female Blogger
  • Best Male Blogger
  • Best Newcomer
  • Best Writing
  • Best Personal Blog
  • Best Individual Blog
  • Best Group Blog
  • Most Sought After Blogger
  • Most Humorous

Non-vote-able Categories (Any blogger can give out personal awards here. They choose the individuals/groups who receives it.)

  • The Undeniably Beautiful Award – This award is personally given by me.
  • Worth A Million Smiles Award – This award is personally given by me.

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Would you say I should go ahead with “Hosting” the Cyber Blog Awards here on “The Undeniable Beauty”? Before you start commenting/agreeing/flaming/bashing this article of mine, let me give out more information of the Cyber Blog Awards.

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Information

  • The Cyber Blog Awards will be held every 6 months.
  • If responses are good, a forum made solely for the Cyber Blog Awards will be made by me.
  • On the first 2 week, bloggers far and wide should register their blogs/names and be categorized in their respected categories.
  • The following 12 weeks will be when the voting of the nominees begin.
  • And on the 15th week, the award ceremony!! (Cyber wan la~) You’ll be getting your very own graphical trophy!!

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I know la…doesn’t sound very glam right? But horr…this is a small scale awards thing. If in the future got sponsors, then it’ll be fun, right? Actually, why am I doing this? This is because it’s just fun to gather all the bloggers around and have an event, yea? Even if it’s over the Internet. It’s still a fun thing to do. Even non-bloggers can participate in this event by nominating and voting for their favorites and even get to see and read other blogs they’ve never known about too.

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So what do you have to say about this topic? Agree? Disagree? Staying on the fence? Just comment/flame/support to give me your responses to this idea. If you like it, say you like it, if you don’t, heck, just say no. I want to find out responses and then perhaps get brainstorming, LOL. So what are you waiting for? What are your responses to this idea?

Recent Additions

Pages

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All right, so here I go again explaining stuffs that is going around in my blog these days. It may be confusing for the some of you what kind of links I have up there at the top of my blog, yea? Well, if you had looked at it once or twice, you WOULD have known what was in there…but since you didn’t bother, I shall take the time to do the explaining.

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Home | “Me” | Archives | Case Studies | Links | TUB Policy

Before, it was only these

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Explanations

Home :

This is where all my articles are. Also known as my “home“. A place where you come and visit, maybe have a cup of tea and listen to my “old wives tales

β€œMe” :

This is where you can find out more about me and what I want to tell you about myself. There will be other additions here in future. Just not now. Perhaps in May during my University break.

Archives :

This is where all the links to my articles are. An easier way to find my articles. If you are still oblivious to where an article is, just click on all the monthly archives. That should make it easier for you to find any article.

Case Studies :

This is where all the links to my research on human behavior are located. My observation might sometimes be cruel and merciless but it’s been studied and researched. Nothing could be more real than social maladaptive behavior and social ignorance. You don’t have to read it or believe me, after all, it’s MY observation. Not YOURS.

Links :

This is where you obtain/register/ask/beg/inquire about linking up to my blog. If you’d like to see your website/blog/post or anything whatsoever being linked up by me, please read the conditions and also the categories you should be linked under. It’s all fine and dandy to be linked up by me but please do link me back as well.

TUB Policy :

This is what you should read before you even begin to post, read, comment or flame my articles. I highly advice that you read this. Why? Cause it’s beneficial to both YOU and ME.

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Coming Soon

Awards :

I would probably be starting an Awards page to give “The Undeniable Beauty” Awards and other sorts of category awards to those who I see deserve it. Added in are also banners/trophies/blogcerts to honor all those who wins any awards. The winners, obviously, can pluck these awards from here and into their website/blog/whatever. Credit should be given to me if and when you have taken my awards and placed it beautifully into your blog.

Stay tuned in for that page for it’s going to be a bit of a tough one cause I’m going to do a bit of a voting thing to let you readers vote for your most likable or whatever website/blogger/blog. Not all the awards can be voted upon. Some will be decided solely by me. But most will be decided by YOU, the READERS.

That is all for “Coming Soon” I shall repost again when there are more changes and such in “The Undeniable Beauty

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PS : I don’t live to please you with my bloggings. You live to please me by reading it.

PPS : Was that easy enough for you? I have put in every detail of each of the link at the top of my blog. I’m sure now, with these knowledge, you are going to put them into good use, right? For example, reading them up and maybe give a whooping hug and say “I love you, Jessica!! This guide was MARVELOUS!! THANK YOU~~!!!

Eh?!?!

Today, while surfing other blogs, aight? I came across “The Whisky Club” and there’s this link there called “Satellite-GPS-Locate” that supposedly helps you locate someone you know by number through the satellite by tracking their GPS signal on their hand phone.

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If you don’t want to know what I saw and found out, don’t scroll down yet till AFTER you have tried it yourself.

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You sure you don’t want to try it out yourself first?

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Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?!?!

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I SWEAR if you read now, sure potong stim wan!!

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But ahh…it’s your choice la whether you want to be surprised first or just bore yourself…

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Eh…I REALLY recommend that you check it out woi!!

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I’m SERIOUS!! TRY it yourself before reading my comments!!

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Whatever la!! Your choice~

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You sure you don’t want to try it out yourself first?

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You’re missing out man!!

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Well, it’s your feelings I am taking into account here~

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Oh well, your choice, your disappointment then~

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Damn…you live a boring life…BE BRAVE!! …Suckers~

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Continues as if the interruption meant nothing at all…

I’m like WHOA!! And tried to check if it could spot me la so I went to the site and typed “016-677****” and chose Malaysia as country. I thought to myself as it loads “whoa…look pro woi…wonder can find me or not!! If cannot I’m so gonna kick their ass!!” And then ahh…dunno head, dunno tail, it says tracked me liao worrr…so it went closer and closer on the map till you can even see the houses liao, my expectations quite high.

Then all of a sudden, from that high wall, I went crashing down cause got a bomb suddenly rocketed towards me. Diu!! When they wanna show the area I am supposedly at…suddenly came out…a couple there having sex outdoor woi!! Apa ni?!?! (Censored la of course!!)

After they finished showing, horr…I came to a different page automatically and this was shown to me…

Just kidding!!

To locate someone is not that easy. Public records are free for all people to search and get private information.

But this time you can publicly punk someone private

Just make a friend smile…

Eh?!?!?! WOI!!! Why like this wan!! T-T so siao!! I also kena tipu liao ._.

Our Love-Hate Relationship

I love you…I truly do.

I love you…I truly do. I love the way that I can see you everyday. I love the way that you are always by my side, always there when I needed you, always ready to entertain me when I am bored, to humor me when I am down and in the dumps, to enfold me in your knowledgeable world.

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I love you…I truly do. I love the way when I wake up every single day, you’re just there, right in front of me. You’ll be there waiting for me to come home when I’m off making a living as a overworked student in University, giving me a sense of longing to go back into your embrace. And you are always there when I go to bed, giving me goodnight toot toots and making me smile.

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I love you…I truly do. I love the way that when I’m with you, I feel exhilarated at the fact that I could be with you and you will be there, sitting quietly just entertaining me and humoring my whims and desires. You’re everything a girl like me need in her life.

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I love you…I truly do. I love the way you feel under my exploring fingers. I love it when you submit easily to my fingers and my caresses on your lengthy board. I sometimes wished you were smaller to fit me but I love your length the way it is more. At times you make me clean you, I love it when I see you all cleaned up and feel proud that I did it myself.

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I love you…I truly do. I love it when I have to look into your face and see what is going through your thoughts and sometimes by my order, you take me into all new different worlds. You even take me all around the world for you never deny me any of my wishes. You are always there for me.

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I love you…I truly do. You may be big in size, people tend to stare at us from afar when I bring you out along with me. But I like the way they ooh and ahh when they see us together and admire my strength and bravery in having you. It feels oh so good.


I hate you…I truly do.

I hate you…I truly do. I truly do not love you at times…you get all too jealous and that makes it difficult not only for me but for you as well…every time I have friends over to entertain, you turn yourself blue by making jealous noises, wanting me to leave them and entertain you alone.

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I hate you…I truly do. Yes, I truly hate you when at critical times, you seem to want attention, and when we (my friends and I) do give you attention, you go all out to show your attitude by shutting yourself out from the world. What did you want me to do? Say no when we have to do assignments? Stop being childish!!

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I hate you…I truly do. Why is it that you feel that you have to be jealous when I am not with you but with someone or something else that doesn’t include you? Don’t I give you enough time of my life? I even wasted half my year in 2006 doing nothing but BE with you…is that not enough? Do you want my life too?

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I hate you…I truly do. Why won’t you respond to me when I talk to you while I eat in front of you? Read in front of you? Playing with my cat in front of you? Even my cat loves you. He often find you comfortable enough to sleep on…WHY?


I love you and I hate you…I truly do.

I love you and I hate you…I truly do. You are my first and probably my last, will you not cooperate with me? Are you sick? Do you need to see a doctor? Recently you have been looking down and blue…sometimes even going blank in front of me, scaring me…What do I do? Do you have a unknown virus in you? What kind of treatment must I attend you with…WHAT??

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I love you and I hate you…I truly do. Oh computer how I love you so…don’t leave me cold and alone in this growing IT world…in this cruel assignment-filled world where I can’t be without a computer and be left behind…why can’t you understand how I feel and STOP turning into a blue screen and kicking me off without saving my assignments…Gawd…how I love-hate you…


PS : What were you guys thinking o_O I’m not THAT open to having sex before marriage…I’m a true modern Chinese but with traditional thinking on sex before marriage thanks to my parents. And I believe that if love is worth it…sex can come later in life even if it means having no kids…that way, I can adopt and refrain from overpopulating human kind…I mean…look at Singapore, they’re practically sinking!! Especially now that their government has dropped the curtains on their “1 child per couple” curfew. They should just have changed it to “2 child per couple” in stead of the “have as many as you want”.

PPS : Also, yes, I’m in love with my computer…why? Cause without computer, I’ll be useless in terms of my assignments, entertainment, news, communication and whatever else…so DON’T diss my love for my computer, people!!

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